Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
