just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
