I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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