I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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