I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
