how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
