I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
