Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we're making bets on your personal life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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