Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
