Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
be right there i have to get my cape
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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