Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
