so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
