Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
