ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
