Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
