Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
