So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
