in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize