Porn is love you can see.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
