made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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