wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
