is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
