I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
