So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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