I think I died a long time ago.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
