I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Green mimosas i think yes
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
