I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
