O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
