I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
