Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.

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(818): View more from California

wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.

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(212): View more from New York

The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.

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(330): View more from Ohio

French fry pizza

(502): View more from Kentucky

Are you brilliant or just really high?

(330): View more from Ohio

Can't it be both?

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(478): View more from Georgia

Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."

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(917): View more from New York City

Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients

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(706): View more from Georgia

My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

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