I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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