During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am one with the molecules
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize