i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
