just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
