OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
