I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
