i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
