So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
