We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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