did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
