I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
3pm strippers are depressing
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
