Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
