He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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