You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
