i barfeds in our rink
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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