My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
