Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You can't special order awesome
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Randomize
