Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
