He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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