well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
