I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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