these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
