Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
be right there i have to get my cape
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize