How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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