I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
