I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
