I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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