you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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