My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Randomize
