Fine. I'll sleep in my office
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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