I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
