Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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