we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize