i just wanna soil my oats bro
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
