worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
