Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
