A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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