Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
