Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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