I can text with my tongue
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
