I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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