can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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