I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
