I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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