Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
