Don't make out with my wife yet
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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