I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
