I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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