Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
