? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
