maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
