is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize