Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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