How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There r osticjed everywhere
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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