youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
