five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize