don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
