phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
