and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
