what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
