girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
