At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
