tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
