Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
