Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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