Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
