ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
