It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
