just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
