Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
