I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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