Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
