My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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