we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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