So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
